Why I wish I was Fat and/or Hairy!

This, at first thought, might seem strange but I think it’s the best way forward if I am ever going to be taken seriously as a food writer.

Sadly, I am normal size, normally hirsute, don’t ride a motorbike and I’m not even a lesbian, more’s the pity. (A straight friend once said to me that she wished she was gay as “that way at least you can have a sensible conversation at home!”, point taken!). 

What on earth can I do to grab the attention of people who might find my cookbooks helpful?

Useful Credentials for a Food Writer

The fact that I have been a chef for over 30 years, have run my own restaurants, have travelled and worked as a chef not only in England but in various other places including many years in the Caribbean, lived and cooked on boats, in camper vans, caravans and other odd situations and (this is the important bit) learned and picked up a huge range of interesting and truly useful ideas, tips and recipes just doesn’t seem to be enough to qualify me as a cookbook writer worth reading.  

I need a peculiarity. I don’t think being fat, hairy or gay is particularly odd, perhaps I could drink loads like Keith Floyd or, I dunno, have a nose extension; that might work – The Nosy Chef? Jamie Oliver was dubbed The Naked Chef although that wasn’t strictly true.

Suggestive Cookbook Titles

Some books use the F word (yes, I know, it’s fuck!) in their title and I recently saw mention of a book called Let’s Play Hide the Sausage although I’m not sure that one was genuine! When I first published my ice cream book (Luscious Ice Cream without a Machine) there was a book available called Tits and Ice Cream which is no longer available and, coincidentally, about the time my book Creative Ways to Use Up Leftovers  (containing recipes, ideas, tips, handy hints, food pairings, jokes and anecdotes for every scrap of leftover food) was published, Pig Tits and Parsley Sauce, a book about eating frugally, was published in New Zealand. 


Whilst these titles are funny and do catch the eye I’m not sure this is thex way to convince people that I am a serious cook and know my subject.

Celebrity Cookbooks

I think I am too old to start being glamorous like Nigella and I am no sort of a celebrity which is a shame as there does seem to be some natural connection between being able to act (e.g. Gwyneth Paltrow, Vincent Price – yes!, Yul Bryner, Gerard Depardieu and Miss Piggy – who even includes a recipe for bacon!!!.), sing (Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Ziggy Marley and Boy George, for instance) play the piano and more (Liberace) etc. and being able to write and sell cookbooks.  

Sadly, all I can do is cook and also write a bit! Any ideas for grabbing people’s attention?

If, perchance, you fancy a peek at my cookbooks, click here!

Tomatoes from the Jungles of Holland!

~  Menu  ~

A Crunchy Peanut Butter and Cheese Patty

Jungle Tomato Salad

White Wine Spritzer

I know quite a lot about food so was surprised to only recently discover that lovely tomatoes can be found in the jungles of Holland.
Quelle Surprise as the Dutch doubtless say.

These little darlings not only looked good they were sweet and delicious, I ate them as part of a peculiar little test lunch.

I have less than a  month to submit the manuscript of my book (see below) and so much to eat before I do so.

← Pin to spread this exciting news!  

Today I tried munging together crunchy peanut butter and cream cheese with grated cheddar and breadcrumbs to make a nutty cheese patty type thing.  It worked!  

I really thought it wouldn’t which is why I only made one and am still a bit peckish.  Perhaps I’d  better test something else in a minute.

We are still Up North and probably will be so for a while – lots of things to sort out here.  Sometimes, however, we have time for a little relaxation and yesterday we went to Ponteland which was a very surprising village near Newcastle.  

Ponteland (pronounce pont ee land, not pontiland as some southerners think – I know, I am one) is a pretty little place, lots of grass and trees, a river, lovely buildings of old golden stone, an ancient pele tower and a Waitrose!!  

Yes, that’s what I thought – a whole Waitrose in one village! We’ve only got one in all of Cornwall.  Obviously the whole thing about it being “grim Up North” is a lie.

So that’s it I’m afraid – I have so much to do and have limited internet time as I’m afraid I’m on the dongle.  At my age!

My Book on Leftovers ~ News from the Future

My book was published in March, 2013. Originally titled The Leftovers Handbook a second edition is now available and is called Creative Ways to Use Up Leftovers.  

In it I give all the information, good ideas and I can think of for over 450 possible leftovers. 

Read more here.

"Garlic & Sapphires" by Ruth Reichl – a Review

I used to live in the Caribbean on a boat in Trellis Bay – above.  Sometimes on visits home to the UK I would mention this and people would accuse me of being lucky.  This was not the case; it was not luck that took me to the Caribbean it was a decision to go followed by appropriate action.  (And incidentally I was very poor at the time, getting there left me with just $8 in the world!)

Reading of Ruth Reichl’s wonderful sounding career I nearly said she was lucky but I think not.  More accurately Ruth Reichl is talented, hard working and resourceful.  Either way her fab lifestyle makes me jealous.  In a nutshell she played dressing up and then ate in wonderful restaurants whilst pretending to be someone else – and she got paid for it. 

Her book, “Garlic and Sapphires ~ The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise” is a lovely read; interesting, funny, informative and foodie with several recipes scattered amongst its pages.
  

Ruth Reichl was the restaurant critic for the New York Times and therefore very recognisable to restaurateurs, hence the need for a disguise.   She found her dining experiences when dressed as a “nobody” very different from those when dining as herself.  Which is, of course, reprehensible.  On many occasions when working as a chef I have been told that so-and-so was in house so to make sure to go the extra mile, so to speak.   This always got up my goat (as we say in my family!).  Surely the idea is to do your best at all times not just do second rate work unless someone “important” comes in.  It seems, however, that this attitude is not the norm in the restaurant business.

Anyhoo – I heartily recommend this book, give it a go – you can get it from Amazon. or visit Ruth Reichl’s own site here where there are details of her other books; “Tender at the Bone”,  “Comfort me with Apples” and “For you Mom, Finally” which I shall certainly be looking out for.

Speaking of books about food I have written a few cookbooks myself – here’s my Amazon Author Page (just in case you’re interested!).

In other news …

My friend Jenny of JennyEatwell’s Rhubarb & Ginger has pointed out a rather lovely spam comment that I received in connection with my recent post on yukky gnocchi.  Very nicely put I thought.  Coincidentally it reminds me of my research into krumplinudli which are the same sort of things as gnocchi – perhaps it is a side effect

Here it is verbatim, I cannot see how it pertains to my blog but I am glad they took the trouble to write ~ enjoy …

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“Prepped! Gorgeous Food without the Slog" by Vanessa Kimbell ~ a Review

~  Menu  ~

 

Potted Ham

Nubbly Toast

White Wine Spritzer

 

I had ridiculously small amount of ham left yesterday are feeding my real man so decided to try potting it in an equally small pot.  It’s an easy thing to do and perks up the ham no end! 

 

Potted Ham

 

~   Weigh the piece of leftover ham.Shred your leftover ham and weigh it.

~   Gently melt about half as much weight of butter and leave to cool.

~   Shred or finely chop the ham and mix it with other ingredients of your choice (I used parsley, smoked black pepper, and a bit of the old Maldon sea salt.

~   The solids I the butter will by now have sunk to the bottom of the pan so pour off the clear butter and throw away the sediment.

~   Stir most of the clear butter into the ham mixture and press into a small pot. 

~   Pour the rest of the clear butter on top and chill.

This made a good lunch with toasted Vicky’s Bread but to be frank I wish I’d had a gherkin.  You know how it is!

Maldon Sea Salt Crystal (not actual size!)

“Prepped! ~ Gorgeous Food without the Slog; a Multi-tasking Masterpiece for Time-Short Foodies” by Vanessa Kimbell

… which I have just read and which resonates with me, so to speak.  I am quite keen on making useful storecupboard items which I can then use to quickly enhance all sorts of dishes (for proof see Roasted Garlic, Raspberry Vinegar  and Bacon Salt to name just three) and so, it seems, is Vanessa Kimbell. 

 

The “key recipes” in “Prepped” are a collection of flavoured sugars and syrups but this in no way limits the scope of the book; elderflower syrup for instance is used not only in desserts and cocktails but also in salad dressing and with trout, chlli and beetroot, chocolate is paired with beef and used in Savoury Chocolate Biscuits.  There is lots of inspiration here.  

 

The book is divided into 11 chapters each dedicated to a single ingredient but not predictable ones: elderflower, rhubarb, lavender, lemon, vanilla, tomato, plum, caraway, cardamom, orange & clove and (don’t worry) chocolate.   The recipes flow and interlock so that her recipe for Plum Chutney contains Vanilla Vinegar (which, incidentally I shall be making asap) or a double batch of a recipe is made to create two entirely different dishes.  This is very much how I cook although usually my leftovers are unplanned.  There is a lot of substituting, linking and cross referencing going on which is very useful

 

Vanessa Kimbell’s style is friendly and accessible and the photography by Vanessa herself together with Brian Dunstone and Tony Hardacre is wonderful. 

The book is a lovely bright pink hardback published by Spring Hill Books in May of last year (ISBN-10: 1905862563 and ISBN-13: 978-1905862566). 

Get yourself a copy, why don’t you, it’s brill!

 

“The Art of Eating” by M.F.K. Fisher – a Review

I recently bought Penguin’s Great Food series – 20 slim volumes for just £15.  No way would I (or could I) pay the list price of £140 for the boxed set, of course, but at this price they are a bargainaceous and delightful collection of food writing.  

The set includes “Love in a Dish”; some of M.F.K. Fisher’s writing, and I devoured this little book greedy for more so was delighted to discover that The Kitchen Reader’s book of the month is “The Art of Eating” by Ms. Fisher no less.

Mary Frances Kennedy Fisher (1908 – 1992), must be one of the wonderfullest food writers, or even writers generally, ever.  She is interesting, funny (“Central heating, French rubber goods and cookbooks are three amazing proofs of man’s ingenuity …”), informative and writes delicious sentences.  I have, actually, read her work before, long ago, and I am so enamoured of her I shall read her again and again, I think.  In fact I have become a tad obsessive, I’ve even googled her to see what she looked like.

  

Brilliant woman – when I grow up I want to be just like her.

 “The Art of Eating” by Ms. Fisher is, in fact, 5 books in one volume and so far I haven’t read all of it.  Instead of ploughing through as with a thrilling novel I am dipping into it, selecting a choice morsel and savouring it; this is not the sort of thing I would want to rush.  I have read about the years she spent in Provence, “How Not to Cook an Egg” including Eggs Obstaculos involving eggs, spicy salsa and beer, how to un-seduce someone (!) and recipes for Aunt Gwen’s Cold Shape, Garum and Mouth Wash.  There are so many goodies in this book!

Read more about this amazing lady and her writing here or get her book(s) at Amazon although, of course, other booksellers are available.